


Saishuu Academy’s Annual Musical Groupchat

by Moron1



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, Discussions of Underage Sex, F/F, F/M, Kinda, Korekiyo is a thot, M/M, Multi, Musicals, Texting, There's no sex I just want to rate it carefully, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 16:16:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16768573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moron1/pseuds/Moron1
Summary: The most fic every Dangan Ronpa author has to do once, except it's a weird AU where everyone is a theater kid.





	1. All The World's A Stage

**Tsumugi Shirogane** _added 15 people to the chat_

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** _named the chat_ **Saishuu Academy’s Annual Musical Groupchat**

 **Rantaro Amami:** whomst?

 **Maki Harukawa:** What’s this for

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** We’ve gotta get a start on the musical, guys. 

**Ryoma Hoshi:** why?

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** Because we’re performing it in front of the whole school at the end of the year? 

**Ryoma Hoshi:** do i at least get to die in this one

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** Yes, actually!

 **Ryoma Hoshi:** hell yeah

 **Himiko Yumeno:** Ugh this is boring. Someone change the names in here.

 **Shuichi Saihara:** Why don’t you do it Himiko?

 **Himiko Yumeno:** Nyeeh...too much work. You should do it.

 **Shuichi Saihara:** Yeah, sure. I don’t know what to put for some people though..

 **Shuichi Saihara** _changed 16 names_

 **2Young2BThisTired:** Much Better. Thanks Shuichi.

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** No problem.

 **avocado man:** why is this my name

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** i’m fine with this

 **avocado man:** wait who are you

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** ryoma.

 **avocado man:** yeah no, that works

 **coke ichi:** owo what’s this

 **coke ichi:** fuck this name i’m changing it

 **coke ichi** changed their name to Owouwuma Kowokichi

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** nice

 **Lesbean:** I guess this name is adequate, even though it was picked by a degenerate male.

 **2Young2BThisTired:** Hi Tenko

 **atua-gie:** Ooh, there’s a groupchat now?

 **avocado man:** who dis?

 **atua-gie:** Me

 **avocado man:** hey me

 **atua-gie:** This Angie

 **avocado man:** ah, lit

 **thebootyconsumer:** ffffffuck you saihara

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Is it untrue though?

 **thebootyconsumer:** … u rite

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** lmao

 **thebootyconsumer:** i know you’re not talking with a name like owouwuma kowokichi

 **avocado man:** oof

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** B U T. I M. N O T. C O N S U M I N G. A S S. B I T C H

 **thebootyconsumer:** aight

 **Shingucchi:** What is this? I didn’t have my phone on me.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** It was meant to be a groupchat for the play that we’ll be putting on, but it’s kinda… devolved.

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** achoo

 **thebootyconsumer:** what?

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** i sneezed

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** And you decided to type that out?

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** say bless you

 **Mother:** Bless you.

 **I’m High And Ready To Die:** thanks kirumi

 **Mother:** You’re welcome.

 **ziggy stardust:** sup guys

 **Makiroll:** is that you, Kaito?

 **ziggy stardust:** ya lol

 **ziggy stardust:** thx shuichi btw

 **ziggy stardust:** i’m kinda into this name lol

 **kayayday:** who else is on here rn?

 **roomba:** ⌒(o＾▽＾o)ノﾟ

 **kayayday:** kiibo??

 **roomba:** (*^ω^*)

 **roomba:** I like emoticons!

 **kayayday:** any1 else? Gonta?

 **ya boi gonta:** gonta is here!!!

 **kayayday:** nice. 

**kayayday:** anyway, let’s let ‘mugi do her shit. whats the plot?

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Okay, so basically there’s a group of students trapped in a high school and a homicidal teddy bear has them kill each other off to keep him from killing all of them.

 **ziggy stardust:** what tht fuck tsumigi

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Just wait until you get the script, it’s actually really good...

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Sure!

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** It might also be based on the Dangan Ronpa games…

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** I call SHSL Detective!!

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Don’t worry, I already put you down as that. 

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Let’s see, Kaede is the SHSL Pianist...

 **kayayday:** wait, i get to act? i’m not just in the orchestra again??

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Yup! You actually have one of the main roles!

 **kayayday:** wao

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Hoshi’s the SHSL Tennis Player, Shinguuji’s the SHSL Anthropologist, then Miu’s the SHSL Inventor…

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Kiibo’s the SHSL Robot…

 **roomba:** When are you guys going to stop making fun of me because I have a metal plate in my head? ((´д｀))

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** ...Anyway, Ouma’s the SHSL Supreme Leader, Angie’s the SHSL Artist, Gonta’s the SHSL Entomologist, Tenko is the SHSL Aikido Master, Himiko’s the SHSL Magician…

 **2Young2BThisTired:** SHSL Mage.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** what?

 **2Young2BThisTired:** I’m A Mage.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Okay…

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Kaito’s the SHSL Astronaut, Maki’s the SHSL Child Caregiver…

 **Makiroll:** fuck you i want to be an assassin.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** How about… you’re an assassin that’s undercover as a caregiver?

 **Makiroll:** yeah fine.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** And then I’m the SHSL Cosplayer, Kirumi’s the SHSL Maid, and Rantaro’s the Ultimate Mystery?

 **avocado man:** why don’t I get a talent?

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Don’t worry, it’s just a twist. You’re actually the SHSL Adventurer/Survivor. You’re really important, but you also die first. Sorry!

 **avocado man:** nah, that’s fine. means i can spend more time working on hair and makeup than working on lines and shit.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** I’ve emailed all of you the rough draft of the script, tell me what you think about it!

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** idk it looks pretty ema

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Do you mean emo? There is a lot of death...

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** nah, i meant ema

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** want me to use it in a sentence?

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** Yes?

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** EMA ASS :D:D:D

 **Mother:** You’re a fucking child.

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** how could say such a thing to your favorite son?

 **Mother:** Even if you were my only son you still would not be my favorite.

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** wow, harsh.

 **Shingucchi:** What the fuck.

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** what bitch boy, can’t you see we’re in the middle of an argument

 **Shingucchi:** Not you Kokichi, Tsumugi.

 **Shingucchi:** See, I was scrolling through the parts that I’m in, and I found the trial for my execution. Why am I in an incestuous relationship with my own sister.

 **Owouwuma Kowokichi:** that’s a valid complaint

 **Shinguuchi:** If this is because I fucked your boyfriend, it’s your fault for keeping your relationship a secret. 

**Shinguuchi:** Also he was awful in bed, I was saving you from that experience.

 **Shiro-done with this shit:** I’m still not changing your role.

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** That’s also valid.

 **kayayday:** hey does any1 have the math hw

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Here, this is at least mostly right.

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan** _sent pt12.jpeg_

 **kayayday:** thx binch

 **SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** No Problem!

 **Mother:** The bell will be ringing soon, you all should get to class.


	2. Enter Stage Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i keep getting off topic from the main plot lmaoo but i hope this is kinda funny 
> 
> also request pairings n shit if u want, but i apparently have no control of where this story goes

**thebootyconsumer:** hey

**thebootyconsumer:** remember when kaito looked like a rat

**thebootyconsumer** _ sent yung-boi.jpeg _

**ziggy stardust:** wow

**ziggy stardust:** harsh

**2Young2BThisTired:** Lmao

**ziggy stardust:** i was sexy

**ziggy stardust:** u hater

**kayayday:** if thats what u think…

**ziggy stardust:** wow fuck u kaede

**kayayday:** no thx man, u got a gf

**Makiroll:** exactly. no fucking for you.

**avocado man:** what a beautiful expression of love from our token hets in this gc

**Makiroll:** fuck you i’m bi

**ziggy stardust** _ changed their name to _ **gettin bi**

**Makiroll** _ changed their name to _ **I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch**

**avocado man:** wow mood

**kayayday:** wait are we all lgbt in this group? i know most of y’all are but we’ve never like, actually come out to each other

**2Young2BThisTired:** Yeah No One’s Cishet Here Lmao

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** i’m trans

**Makiroll:** same

**atua-gie:** My sexuality? Is Atua’s.

**avocado man:** i’m nb and gay

**thebootyconsumer:** I’M PAN!!!

**Shingucchi:** I’m hella gay.

**roomba:** I think I’m ace?

**kayayday:** gay

**Lesbean:** Same.

**2Young2BThisTired:** Yeah, I’m A Lesbian Too.

**Mother:** I happen to be so as well.

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** i’m also super fucking gay

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** so is saihara

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Wow, way to out me.

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** But yeah, I’m gay.

**ya boi gonta:** gonta doesn’t know

**I’m High And Ready To Die:** i’m cripplingly depressed

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Mood.

**Shiro-done with this shit:** I’m pansexual!

**kayayday:** _ renamed the groupchat  _ **We’re All Gay in This Economy**

**I’m High And Ready To Die:** fair

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Hey, can we get a start on the musical?

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Y’know, the thing we’re here for?

**I’m High And Ready To Die:** yeah sure idc

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Wow thanks.

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Anyway, we want to have a song per trial so that’s already 6 songs… 

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Add one for exposition and a final song, plus a few key events…

**Shiro-done with this shit:** That’s like 13 songs, maybe more that we have to figure out.

**I’m High And Ready To Die:** damn, we’re fucked.

**Shiro-done with this shit:** I have quite a bit done for the trials and things, but I wanted input on what you guys think should be in there.

**avocado man:** since i’m dying first, that means I won’t have to sing, right?

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Just in the group numbers!

**avocado man:** good. i cant sing.

**avocado man:** really? i thought i heard u singing in the shower that one time

**avocado man:** no shut the fuck up

**gettin bi:** why were u in amami’s room while he was showering???

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** oh… u know ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**avocado man:** what the fuck i don’t even know

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** oh yeah thats cuz i broke into ur room

**avocado man:** fair

**Mother:** Kokichi… No breaking into others’ rooms. It’s rude.

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** k mom i won’t do it anymore

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** most of u are boring anyway

**Lesbean:** You degenerate male. If you’ve desecrated my space in any way, I’LL RIP YOUR SPINE OUT.

**2Young2BThisTired:** Nyeh… Calm Down Tenko. I’ll Help You.

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** you can’t just- kill me! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

**avocado man:** how- how’d u do that with your face

**Mother:** What do you mean? That’s just a kaomoji…

**thebootyconsumer:** hey lemme see if i can code kaomojis into kiibo’s actual fucking face

**thebootyconsumer:** HOLY SHIT

**thebootyconsumer** _ sent kaomoji_bitch.jpeg _

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** oh god that’s actually horrifying

**roomba:** (((p(>o<)q))) Change me back!!!

**avocado man:** no but kokichi actually just, like, did that

**avocado man:** with ihs face

**avocado man:** wtf

**avocado man** _ sent kokichi_face.jpeg _

**thebootyconsumer:** Damn kokichi u uglu

**thebootyconsumer:** *ugly

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** no u

**Mother:** Okay.

**Mother:** Which one of you was watching porn on the school computers.

**Mother:** Because if I have to sit through another fucking lecture on keeping ‘appropriate behavior in a school environment’ I’ll break your fucking neck.

**gettin bi:** not me

**I’m High And Ready To Die:** nose goes

**Shingucchi:** We aren’t even all in the same room

**Shingucchi:** How are we supposed to know who put their finger on their nose

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** you’re txtig so u didn’t

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** it was u

**Shingucchi:** I’m typing with one hand idiot.

**Shingucchi:** The fact that you couldn’t realize that means that you aren’t putting your finger on your nose.

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** ...shit

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** wait it actually wasn’t me tho

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** i don’t jerk off

**gettin bi:** ???

**gettin bi:** what do you do then??

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** i fuck

**Lesbean:** This is disgusting. I don’t want to hear it.

**Lesbean** _ has left the groupchat _

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** i’ll add her back but like

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** who the fuck would let you copulate

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** ya he’d gotta be really dumb or something

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** just an absolute fucking dumbass

**avocado man:** fuck you

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** … holy shit

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** are you two dating???

**avocado man:** ...no

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** maaayybe

**avocado man:** shut

**avocado man:** up

**avocado man:** anyway who was watching porn

**avocado man:** we never figured that out

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** i blame miu

**thebootyconsumer:** what’d i do

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** watched porn on the school computers, apparently

**thebootyconsumer:** what kinda porn was it??

**Mother:** I believe it was entitled ‘Girl Seduces Best Friend’s Mom’.

**thebootyconsumer:** nah that’s boring, i’m into some weird shit

**thebootyconsumer:** wasn’t me

**2Young2BThisTired:** So That Means… Whoever Was Watching The Porn Wants To Hook Up With Kirumi.

**Mother:** Excuse you?

**Mother:** And how did you come to this conclusion?

**2Young2BThisTired:** Kirumi Is Our Mom. This Girl Has A Mommy Kink. Go Figure.

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** Oh so it’s Kaede.

**kayayday:** hjshdkafshk

**kayayday:** SHUICHI

**kayayday:** what the fuck dude

**thebootyconsumer:** LMAOOOO

**kayayday:** uhh shuichi would totally smash if either kokichi or amami asked him

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** KAEDE NO

**Owouwuma Kowokichi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**avocado man:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch:** oh yeah i forgot

**I’m Bi You Dumb Bitch** _added_ **Lesbean** _to the groupchat_

**Lesbean:** What did I miss?

**roomba:** L(・o・)」 Kokichi and Amami are banging, Kaede has a mommy kink, is hot for Kirumi, and was probably the one watching porn, and Shuichi wants to join in on Kokichi and Amami’s shit.

**roomba:** So, nothing new ~ヾ ＾∇＾

**kayayday:** wait I wasnt the one watching porn tho

**kayayday:** ive been framed

**SHSL Kirigiri Stan:** You didn't deny that you're into Kirumi though.

**kayayday:** this is defamation of character and i wont stand for it

**kayayday:** your assumptions may be true but i wouldnt watch porn on a school computer 

**kayayday:** im not that dumb

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Oh shoot that might have been me!

**Shiro-done with this shit:** I was pirating the first two danganronpa games for research and weird tabs kept popping up

**Shiro-done with this shit:** I guess I accidentally missed one.

**Mother:** I accept your answer.

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Sorry Kirumi-san!

**Mother:** Please, no honorific is necessary.

**Shiro-done with this shit:** Thanks Kirumi!

**Mother:** It is no burden. Anyway, you all should be going to bed. It is quite late.

**atua-gie:** Night Mom

**kayayday:** gnight!!

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of updating literally anything else, I wrote another fanfiction, smh. Feel free to sggest shit though, cause that's the only way that I'll update this more than once a year lol.


End file.
